CRC Score : 36.469

I rock so bad.

A notice to people who know me :

Until the end of November I will be participating in National Novel Writing Month ([link])

The idea behind NaNoWriMo is to write 50,000 words (roughly 175 pages) in one month. Seeing as I am already a week behind, I need to get up to speed.

This basically means I will be unreachable until midnight, november 30th.

Hopefully I will be successful. If you have ever met me, chances are your personality, your words, or something about you will be used in my novel so BEWARE.

Please e-mail me if you plan on joining nanowrimo.

It's my birthday on wednesday ...

And I'll cry if I want to!

(I secretly love that song. There's just something about some chick on helium that I LOVE)

Alas, the single life for me ...

If there is ever a prize for "Weirdest end to a relationship" then I will surely win. Honestly, it's all just so ... awkward. I don't feel any different now. I'll go ahead and assume that makes me a cold-hearted bitch.

School is keeping me so busy that I'm not gonna have time to think about it much, which I guess is a good thing. And hopefully after a while it'll stop feeling so strange.

I just want to be normal. Is that so much to ask?

I went to camp and I came back and I thought that was either gonna make my mini-depression better, or it was going to make it way way worse.

And, as luck would have it, it was the latter. I feel worse now than I did before camp. Sure, I was insanely happy for two weeks, but now that they're over I feel a sort of emptiness ... I miss the people and I miss the place and the structure and the games and the atmosphere ... When I was there I felt like a little kid and that was a GOOD feeling, and everyone else felt the same way and there was no hate, just playful kidding around. And love, there was lots of love. Everyone knew everyone and when you said goodbye you knew you would see them the next morning, but you hugged them anyway.

And the final goodbye was full of tears and wishes.

And I come back here and there are things I'm just not sure of anymore. Things that anchored me solidly to the ground before, that I start to question now. Did I pick the right thing to study? Was I right not to get a job right away? Am I taking on too much?

If my mom keeps making me so angry and I keep pissing her off, should I really stay here?

Do people really want me around or do they just tolerate me?

And there is one big question, one that bothers me night and day, that I can't tell anyone. Because I'm not sure of how I feel and I don't want to hurt anyone and it just SUCKS.

That's right, it sucks. I said it. I may have an enriched vocabulary (thanks to english class), but the best word to describe the situation is "SUCKS".

Goodbye.